Tim Seeley is writing again, which means we have irritating zebras, Batgirl on a rampage, Killer Croc breaking into a massage parlour and Catwoman making enemies with someone called “Mr Bone”. Also, Flamingo makes a return for no apparent reason, and he’s got a rapier! It’s Batman Eternal #27!

Writer: Tim Seeley
Consulting Writers: Scott Snyder, James Tynion IV, Kyle Higgins and Ray Fawkes
Artists: Javier Garron
Colorist: Romulo Fajardo Jr
Letterers: Dezy Sienty

Do you wish more comics started with a hypersexualised Magpie sprawled over the reception desk at Arkham Asylum? Good news, we’re reading Batman Eternal #27 today! She’s still on reception at Arkham, whilst the inmates race around in the tunnels, all mutated and…. stuff. Luckily, those poor victimised inmates have a new ally in their corner – Killer Croc, who promptly turns on them and beats them all up. That’ll teach ’em!

Meanwhile, Jason Bard is heading home for the evening. He says goodnight to two of his more cowardly officers before seeing Batman’s shadow looming across his car. He turns round to greet the Dark Knight, only to find that it’s BATGIRL! Go Batgirl! She’s got anger issues and he’s got a punchable face, it’s a perfect match.

In a place called the West Cauldron, child services bring Jade – the girl who is friends with Croc – to a man called Mr Ibanescu. He was the guy running the lion fights a few issues ago and got that baby snow leopard killed, so I hope he gets eaten by Croc. Ibanescu takes Jade in, showing off that his house is full of endangered animals as he does so. Tim Seeley is writing this issue, just so you know. Jade apparently is worth a lot of money herself, so she’s going to remain kidnapped for the time being, although she does have a pet monkey now so she doesn’t seem too worried. Ibanescu gets a call to say there’s something important on the news and once his zebra moves out the way (heh) he sees Batman and Catwoman have been teaming up again.

They’re taking out Ibanescu’s men and a group called “the Whispers”, who I guess are Hush’s mercenaries. Batman interrogates one of them, but I’ve completely lost grip of this plot thread so I can’t remember what they’re talking about or if this is important in some way. Catwoman throws some people into an electric box and then hurls a fire extinguisher at someone, though, so that distracted me enough that it doesn’t matter. Hush isn’t working with these people, is what we learn from the page, whatever that means.

Croc next breaks into Gotham Child services, which employs two people max. And they have to share a desk. He’s looking for Jade, and they tell her that she’s with Ibanescu.

Batman and Catwoman head out the sewers, having completed their side mission. Catwoman’s nicked a bag of cash for good measure, good for her. She reveals that she’s been setting the gangs against each other and then vanishes, throwing Batman’s tricks right back at him. Good for her. Batman tracks her quickly, though, and tells her off for making it difficult to work through the gangs and find Ibanescu. She balks at that, saying she’s just working with the chaos that is already there. He asks her to work with him, but she says he only asks her when it’s convenient to him, and never when it’s for her. She’s not in the Bat Fam, so she leaves him the cash and swings off. Good for her!

Next we’re at “the Moffat Building”, talking to a dude called “Mr Bone”. Have I missed an issue? I don’t understand any of these references. Mr Bone works for “the Ferryman”, and Ibanescu has come to trade Jade as part of a settlement deal. Her family are another crime gang, I think? And Jade can lead them all to Catwoman, because of that business a few issues ago where Jade was working with Catwoman’s dad. This is really complicated. Catwoman has a chat with a stray cat which helps her put it in perspective, but sadly I don’t have a cat so I’ve nobody who can explain this all to me.

Killer Croc walks into a strip club and asks for a massage, which scares the receptionist who really should be used to this sort of thing by now. He’s after Ibanescu, who apparently owns the place. Batman is on his way to the same place, and Julia spends the entire journey over trying to get gossip about his relationship with Catwoman. You can’t blame her. Also, Flamingo shows up at random on his neon pink bike, because Tim Seeley is a real big Grant Morrison fan. Flamingo also doesn’t seem to know why he’s there, but he gets out a sword and prepares to attack the Batmobile with it.

He tries to do a rodeo with Batman, but the Batmobile smacks straight through him, pops the tires, and leaves Flamingo sprawled in the drain. Not his best showing. Stephanie Brown is watching the whole thing (is she meant to have set it up or something? This is unclear) and she leaves a message for Batman at the scene. She says that he’s become too predictable in his ways, and that social media means people can track him through Gotham too easily. She signs it off “The Spoiler”.

Back to Batgirl, who has Jason Bard hanging from a rope over a building. He’s not concerned, because he knows she’s too much of a goody two-shoes to drop him. He’s clearly not been reading the last 26 issues! Batgirl is super-angry all the time now. She drops him.

Finally, Catwoman introduces her new stray cat to all the other strays. She hears music in the other room and finds Jade in there, crying. Jade apologises, before explaining that she’s a distraction – and that Mr Bone is stood right behind her, wielding a baseball bat. However will Catwoman escape this fairly minor cliffhanger?!

25 issues to go!

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